A Labor of Love
Sunday, May 4th, 2008 at 4:12 pmMy one and only son has just turned 18.
This has come as a much bigger challenge for me than I would have ever imagined. For weeks now, I have been grappling (very unsuccessfully) with the idea of being the parent of an adult. I just can’t seem to get my head wrapped around this one. How can this be? Wasn’t it just yesterday that he was learning how to walk, tie his shoes and ride a bike? Where did the little boy go who used to love to play word games in the car and show me magic tricks? When did he stop wanting me to read him bedtime stories and tuck him into bed? When did he stop looking to me for guidance and start doing things on his own? At what point did he stop being a boy and change into a man?
Of course, the transition into independence has been happening for quite some time in both little and big ways. Over the last few years he has pushed against those limits set for him by adult authority figures in an attempt to understand where his place in the world is going to be. He has worked to establish his autonomy while still dwelling within the safe confines of life as a minor. In this time, he began to spend less and less time at home and more and more time with his friends. When he learned how to drive, his boundaries grew a bit. When he got his own car, he moved even further into uncharted territory. When he got a job and started making money, he really started moving in the direction of adulthood and independent living.
I was ok with all of this until his 18th birthday started looming on the horizon. These things all seemed part of the natural order of life, and I was willing to let him test his wings and see how well he could fly because I knew that ultimately he still had to answer to me and his dad. I knew that we could still guide him and help him along as needed.
Turning 18 changes all that. Now he is legally an adult, which not only means that he can vote and be drafted into war, it will now be incumbent upon him to figure out who he wants to become and which path is going to lead him there. Like when he was learning to walk, he will have to venture out, stumble and fall, pick himself up and try it again. More than ever, he will be making his own choices and living with the consequences. And as parents, it will be our job to sit on the sidelines cheering him on as he learns to do it on his own.
Like the hours of labor and delivery it took me to see him safely born into this world, I am now going through the pain and transition of letting him go. And similar to the bewilderment I felt as I tried to learn how to be the mother of an infant, I am now experiencing a confusion and anxiety about what it means to be the mother of an adult. As he redefines himself, so do I. As he learns to take on new roles and responsibilities, it is my hope that I can also gracefully transition into the next steps and stages of my life.
